


The Dignity of the Tevinter Nobility

by Regret_Pile



Series: Bowels of Thedas [4]
Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Farting, Fluff and Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-18
Updated: 2015-11-18
Packaged: 2018-04-30 03:03:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5147891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Regret_Pile/pseuds/Regret_Pile
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dorian is quite prim about passing wind.  The Iron Bull finds this to be adorable.</p>
<p>I'm including this in 'Bowels of Thedas,' but it's really not so much of a kink fic as a cute thing that happens to revolve around farting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Dignity of the Tevinter Nobility

The first time was in the Herald's Rest. It was silent, and smelled of a thousand misfortunes. Or something otherwise lyrical.

The Iron Bull sniffed, then chuckled. "Someone's been eating today's stew, eh?"

Without missing a beat, Dorian told him not to draw attention to Maryden's upset stomach, that it was gauche.

The Bull told him that the word gauche was pretty gauche itself. He, of course, knew.

The second time it was audible. Very audible. The Bull gave Dorian an approving wink, which Dorian did not acknowledge.

The third and fourth times were in his sleep.  Technically, they were the third through twentieth, over two nights.  One doesn't ask to be the big spoon when one is that much smaller than the little spoon unless matters are pressing.  Which is to say, the Iron Bull knew.

The fifth, (again, really, the twenty-first and twenty-second), were two long, bubbling things, done when he was certain no one was listening.  The Iron Bull was.

Finally, with the sixth, which was done in another room, squeaked like a bad hinge and smelled like the sound of a bad hinge if it were a smell, the Bull said something.  

"You know, Dorian, I've seen you bloody and sweating after three days on the road in the Hissing Wastes.  You don't have to get up and fart in the next room over."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

The Bull lifted a cheek and let a fart of his own trumpet out.  "That's what I'm talking about."

"Yes, and it was very rude of you.  That's not the way I'd like to think about your arse."

"I think it's pretty funny.  I've got a few more brewing, too.  Good thing I'm in the next room, eh?"

"I am a son of the house of Pavus.  However I may think of my father or of the way things are done in my country, I have been raised with a certain sort of...dignity.  I can't go around just gleefully breaking wind at everyone like some sloppy drunk."

"What about a clean, put-together drunk?  I've been that, and let me tell you, I let the chargers have it.  And Rocky, well, he's good with explosives in a couple ways."  With that, he let loose a trio of brief, loud farts. "I mean, come on, that's pretty great."

"I am a nobleman!  There are certain codes of conduct one doesn't just abandon."

"Really?  Because there was this daughter of an Orlesian duke, she snuck out to drink with us after we did a job for her father, and let me tell you--she had knocked back a couple of pints, she was punching Krem on the arm, and then, she just lets loose with one of the biggest farts I'd heard.  I thought she'd turn herself inside-out, it went on so long.  And you know what she did after that?  She laughed.  It was one of the most honest damn laughs I'd ever heard."

"Well, I suppose there's no accounting for the Orlesians.  Wait.  How old was this girl?"

"Oh, around fifteen.  Don't worry, we were completely respectful.  Even got her home before midnight.  Ish."

"You corrupted a fifteen-year-old--"

"Dorian.  I take that sort of thing very seriously.  We gave her some ale, talked to her like she was an actual fucking person, and took her back to her estate.  And laughed along with her when she ripped the queen of all farts."

"Yes, well, I'm not an adolescent.  I don't intend to 'rip' anything."  With this, a second, loud fart forced its way out of his back end.

The Bull chuckled.  "Whatever you say, Dorian.  Whatever you say."


End file.
